Tea and Crumpets
by Llinos
Summary: A piece of fluffy slash with no plot and no sex until Roz Morgan wrote Chapter 2. (Complete) Dedicated to Niere with love.
1. Default Chapter

**_A little fic dedicated to Niere in recognition of her high fidelity and constant reviews which are held in the highest regard and esteem and always gratefully received._**

**_This fiction originally stopped short at the sex – because I don't think I write that so well. But I challenged Roz to carry it on – because she does. So the slashy sex is in chapter 2 and written by Roz Morgan with love to Niere.  
Llinos_**  
  


**Oxford English Dictionary definitions**  
  
**crumpet** **_noun 1_**. a thick, flat, savoury cake with a soft, porous texture, made from a yeast mixture cooked on a griddle and eaten toasted and buttered.  
  
**crumpet** **_noun 2_**. (Brit. informal) people regarded as objects of sexual desire

Tea and Crumpets  
Chapter 1   
by Llinos 

"Pippin! Where did you put the crumpets?" Merry was rifling around in the kitchen of the house in Crickhollow opening cupboards and taking the lid off the stone crock, pulling stale crusts out of the breadbin.

"Um I'm not sure." The answer came from the sitting room, but no Pippin followed it.

"Well you brought them from the bakery this morning, you must remember where you put them!" Merry was getting exasperated now. "Come and help me look."

"Why do you want them?" Pippin called back, still not coming to help.

"Silly, I want to toast them for our tea of course." Merry had given up searching and was standing with his arms akimbo waiting for Pippin. "The kettle's boiling, don't you want any crumpets."

"Er no, not for me." Pippin responded casually. "Just tea, thank you."

"Pippin!" Merry knew that innocent tone meant Pippin had done something he shouldn't have. "Did you put the crumpets in your belly?"

"Do I have to answer that, Merry?" Pippin peeped around the kitchen door. "Have you got any better questions than that one?"

"I don't have any more important questions than that one." Merry was half smiling but still looking a little miffed. "You ate them didn't you? All six?"

"Well," Pippin began ticking them off on his fingers. "They looked so nice I thought I'd just have one, but I put it on the toasting fork and it fell off into the fire and got all burnt up. So I took another and I balanced it just right on the grate, but then it fell off into the ash."

"So you threw it away?" Merry raised his eyebrows.

"Well no, I ate it anyway, but you know how I hate ash on my food," Pippin carried on quickly, "so I thought I'd better have another."

"That still leaves three." Merry pointed out.

"Well I haven't finished the story yet." Pippin sighed in exasperation. "I did the next one really carefully, but, just as I was going to turn it over, some squirrels started a fight just outside the window, so I had to go and watch and, Merry it was really good, one was biting the other and squabbling then running up the tree and the other. . . "

"Pippin, could we stick to crumpets please?" Merry suggested. "I want my tea and I'm rather interested in their fate."

Pippin drew a deep breath, "Anyway, so of course that crumpet got spoiled."

"And you threw it away?"

"Well, no, but I didn't really enjoy it, so I thought I'd better have another." Pippin explained. "So the fourth crumpet I toasted really nicely and I was taking it off the fork and it burnt my fingers."

"How inconsiderate of it." Merry said seriously.

"I thought so," agreed Pippin. "Anyway, so I dropped it and it fell in my beer."

"You were having beer with crumpets?" 

"Well I was having beer, but not much luck with the crumpets." Pippin pointed out.

"So you threw it away. . . " Merry shook his head slowly, "no you didn't, did you? You ate it anyway."

"But I didn't enjoy it Merry." Pippin explained patiently.

"That still leaves two crumpets." Merry had realised by now that he was not going to be having any crumpets for tea, but was still interested in their adventures.

"Yes the fifth crumpet was a great success." Pippin announced proudly. "I toasted it just right and put butter and jam on it and it was delicious."

"Good." said Merry, a glimmer of hope that there might still be one crumpet left for him. "And the sixth crumpet."

"We-ll," Pippin began tentatively. "The fifth crumpet was so good that I totally forgot to make any tea to go with it. Now you say yourself Merry that to have crumpets without tea is like stew without salt, cheese without bread…" Merry started advancing on Pippin with a grim look on his face. "… you without me! No Merry, I'm sorry, really, I'll get some more tomorrow."

Merry caught hold of Pippin by the scruff of his collar and hauled him back into the kitchen. "Toast? You got bread this morning, you can make me some toast to pay for your gluttony."

"Oh Merry!" Pippin wailed. "I'm sorry."

"We do have bread – don't we?"

"Well you see it was the squirrels' fault." Pippin began. "They were so funny and I wanted them to come back so I . . ."

"You fed the bread to the squirrels?" Merry let go of Pippin's collar and slumped down on the kitchen bench, his jaw dropped in disbelief. "What! All of it?"

"Yes, I think so," Pippin rifled around in the breadbin. "There're some crusts."

"Pippin, they're green" Merry snapped and then folded his arms and fixed his very crossest face firmly in position.

"Merry, don't be angry." Pippin came and tried to unfasten his arms. "I'm sorry! How can I make it up to you?"

"You can't," Merry sulked. "In fact I'm deciding how best I am going to punish you for being such a bad little hobbit."

"Oh Merry," Pippin was half frightened and half excited at the prospect. "Don't be cruel to me."

"I'm going to be very cruel." Merry grabbed hold of Pippin by his arms. "I'm going to torture you slowly and then I'm going to eat you."

"Eat me?" Pippin giggled nervously. "Do you think I'd taste good?"

"That depends." Merry stood up and began pulling Pippin over to the fire. "I might have to toast you first."

"No!" Pippin wailed. "I'll be quite delicious raw, honestly Merry."

"All right," Merry relented. "But since you've eaten all the crumpets and given away all the bread, I need something to put my butter and jam on, now don't I?"

"You wouldn't!" Pippin smiled at his cousin's idea.

"Just go along to the bedchamber and wait and see what I wouldn't." Merry began collecting up what he needed. The butter pot, a jar of jam, a length of cooking muslin. "Hurry up." He nodded to the door and Pippin pulled his mesmerised stare away from Merry and scampered out the door.

"And don't let me catch you with your clothes on in my bed." Merry shouted after him.

****

Continued in Chapter 2 by Roz Morgan


	2. Tea in Bed

Tea and Crumpets

Chapter 2 - Tea in Bed

Author Roz Morgan

As Merry had instructed Pippin had stripped when he entered the room and was curled up in the bed.

Merry placed the jam and butter on the bedside table and sat beside him, blushing as he took in his cousin's naked body.

He ran a hand up Pippin's arm and cupped his face in his hand, pulling Pippin to him for a kiss, soft and tender.

Pippin wrapped his arms around Merry's neck and enticed him to lie down with him and share kisses, something Merry would have been all too happy to do had Pippin not eaten all the crumpets.

"No Pippin," he said sternly, yanking Pippin's hands from around him and holding them high above Pippin's head, he straddled the impetuous hobbit and reached for the muslin.

"Merry!" Pippin squeaked looking up at him wide-eyed "what are you going to do to me?"

"Eat you of course, but you have to be still, crumpets don't wriggle," Merry told him while lashing his hands to the bedpost.

Pippin laughed but too late realised Merry was telling the truth and struggled against expert knots, looking up in sudden fear.

Merry smiled at him, promising wordlessly that he would only do things Pippin would like and Pippin relaxed, trusting Merry and whatever he would do.

Merry seized the jam from its resting-place on the bedside table and popped the lid off, Pippin watched him with interest and licked his lips, mind running through all the possibilities Merry could use the jam for. 

Merry scooped some jam up on his finger and sucked it off, humming gently, he then scooped up some more and painted it across Pippin's yielding lips before kissing him. 

The jam was gooseberry, Merry's favourite and a gift from the hobbit lass who ran the preserves store in the market last Afterlithe, Pippin wasn't going to be able to look her in the eye ever again.

Merry sat back, straddling Pippin's hips and poured the jam over his stomach and chest, smearing it all over him and cupping his face between sticky hands to give him a sweet kiss before descending on the delicious treat that was Pippin. 

Merry licked and sucked at his cousin's supple skin, leaving a trail of small, pink blotches to mark the path he had taken.

Pippin moaned and bucked up as Merry took one of his nipples into his mouth and played with it, biting down and suckling upon it.

He repeated this with the other nipple and Pippin arched up under him, seeking more contact, wishing his hands were free so he could end this sweet torture.

Merry licked him clean and rubbed his stomach thoughtfully. 

"Mm, that was very sweet. I think I am in the mood for something more savoury now," and with that he slid down and took Pippin's aching erection into his mouth.

Pippin cried out and thrust up, but Merry was ready and held his hips down while running his tongue up and around the head of Pippin's erection in long, luxurious licks that made Pippin shudder with need.

Pippin bit his lip and writhed against his bonds wishing he could twine his fingers in Merry's hair to make him move faster.

Merry teased Pippin's nipples with one hand while with the other he sought out Pippin's opening and entered him with one finger.

Pippin shivered and moaned as Merry found the sweet spot inside of him and rubbed against it, still moving his mouth up and down Pippin's penis and squeezing his nipple between thumb and forefinger.

Pippin made the mistake of looking down and it was too much for him to see Merry's pouting lips locked around him, teasing his body into submission.

Crying out Merry's name as he came, Pippin arched up and Merry drank him greedily.

Pippin collapsed into the mattress with a sigh.

Merry cupped his face between his hands and kissed away the bead of sweat rolling down Pippin's nose, he kissed Pippin so that he tasted the sweetness of the jam mixed with the salt of his seed.

"Merry" he whimpered aware he had not yet been untied, Merry nuzzled his cheek and stood up, moving away from the bed.

"Merry!" Pippin cried terrified Merry was going to leave him tied to the bed but Merry shook his head as if guessing Pippin's thoughts and began to unbutton his shirt letting it fall to the floor.

Pippin noted the gooseberry stains on the white cotton and sighed knowing it would only mean more laundry for him, but for now he focused on Merry who was pushing his breeches down his hips and, stepping out of them, walked back to him.

Merry sat down beside him again and brushed his hand through Pippin's sandy brown curls.

"Butter," he said simply before reaching for the butter pot on the side table, he slid between Pippin's legs and pushed them apart, smiling gently as he coated his fingers with the butter.

Pippin took a deep breath and smiled back, relaxing his body to accept Merry's probing fingers.

He shivered as Merry wrapped his other hand around his penis and began to stroke, Pippin re-hardened almost instantly. "My oh my!" Merry exclaimed, "I think you like this almost as much as crumpets!"

Merry's fingers brushed against his sweet spot and Pippin gasped, rocking forward trying to take more of Merry inside of him, Merry played to his needs, thrusting his fingers gently into Pippin, making him ready.

When Pippin was stretched sufficiently Merry withdrew his fingers and grabbed the butter pot and smeared what was left over his erection.

Pippin spread his legs as wide as he could and Merry nestled between them, he stroked Pippin's face looking at him with an unreadable expression. Pippin whimpered and Merry smiled softly, stealing a kiss as he entered him.

Pippin lay still waiting for Merry to penetrate him completely before he began to rock his hips in a slow, steady rhythm that Merry quickly picked up.

They moved together like that for some time, Merry still gazing at him with that unfathomable look. Pippin soon became restless with this slow lovemaking and began to thrust his hips more urgently, begging Merry with a hoarse, husky voice to go faster.

Merry ground their hips together as he began to move quicker and Pippin mewed and gasped as with a few of these speedy thrusts Merry brought him to his second climax of the evening, Merry trembled above him before emptying himself inside of Pippin.

Merry fell with an 'umpth' on to Pippin's stomach and rolled off him, kissing his neck.

"Will you untie me now?" Pippin asked.

Merry laughed softly and untied the muslin from Pippin's hands, kissing each palm and wrist with compassion. He held up the muslin and frowned. "You've stretched it all out of shape"

Pippin cuffed him on the side of the head. "You tied me up!" he squeaked indignantly, glaring at Merry.

"You liked it," Merry said, smiling darkly with lust. 

Pippin grinned at him and opened his arms for Merry who embraced him as tenderly as if he were made of glass. "Merry?" 

"Mmm?"

"You know I'm going to have to steal **_all_** our crumpets from now on, don't you" 

Merry chuckled sleepily and kissed Pippin, leaning their foreheads together. "I love you, you glutinous Took, you're my special little piece of crumpet!"

Pippin smiled brightly enough to blind the sun and clasped Merry's hand in his, entwining their fingers together. "I love you too Merry, even more than crumpets – and that's a lot!"

The End


End file.
